Confession—Day 28/30


I’m a little foggy today from the bug that I’m fighting. So I went to Promptosaur and got a prompt to help kickstart my foggy brain.

You can see in the above screenshot that my prompt was to confess to something.…

So here goes…

I confess to being a horrible and hopeless procrastinator! It’s a personality flaw that gets worse with every passing year.

Some things do not improve with age.

The reason I bring this up is that we are coming to the end of the Nanopoblano blogging challenge month. I’m a little worried about not having that motivational tool to kick me in the butt.

I looked back and last year I posted like five times. That’s really a bit pathetic.

But even as I dictate this… (I dictate everything because my coordination is too crappy to type)… I’m realizing that my lack of attention to this blog is probably 50% procrastination and 50% imposter syndrome issues.

I’m really not anxiety prone. I don’t worry or fret every time I post. But… When I feel less sure of myself, my tendency is to avoid. It’s not even a conscious decision. It’s more like a vague undercurrent. So my lack of confidence as a writer contributes to my procrastination.

I actually think that this blog prompt is becoming a bit therapeutic! I’m realizing that this lack of confidence is almost always coupled with my horrible procrastination.

I do it every year with my taxes. I get worried about whether or not I’m going to gather everything up thoroughly and appropriately. So I put it off and off and off. And then, when I finally do it, it all works out and I wonder why I made myself miserable for 2 1/2 months.

I did the same thing in college. My sophomore year English professor was a wonderful guy. I just loved him. He told us on the first day of class that we would have a 20 page research paper due at the end of the semester. He said that no late papers would be tolerated. He outlined the steps that we should take and he encouraged us to get busy very, very early. I really liked the guy and I wanted to do well. But, I was also worried about my ability to do well. So I put it off and off and off.

It was even on a topic that I was very interested in. At that time in my life, I wanted to work in the prison system. I believed in rehabilitation. And I believed that our prison system needed to change drastically so that it could support the idea of rehabilitation rather than just punishment. Without a significant cultural shift towards rehabilitation within the prison system, recidivism rates skyrocket. And, by the way, 30 years later, this is still true!

You would have thought that this whole experience would’ve been completely enjoyable. The chance to research and learn about something of my choosing… who wouldn’t love that?

But… My fear of disappointing one of my favorite professors attached itself to my procrastination defense mechanism, and I was basically hogtied. I got the books from the library and they collected dust on my desk!

Then, at the end of the semester, I wrote that paper in about three days… Including doing the research.

I got almost no sleep. I lived on caffeine and M&Ms. I would allow myself short cat naps and then I would get up and be right back at it.

This particular story does have a happy ending. I handed the paper in on time and received an A-. But seriously… The things we do to ourselves without even realizing it… And I’m still doing it.

I guess this is what blogs are for in the first place. It’s about connecting with other people, and realizing that we are more similar than we are different. So I’ll try to worry less about my writing… And will instead try to continue to focus on sharing thoughts and feelings and experiences that will hopefully continue to connect us…

How about you? Do you have any long-standing habits that no longer serve you? Things that you might want to focus on releasing as we move toward the new year? Feel free to start a conversation below. I would love that!

I’m glad you’re here.💜





****This post is part of the 2022 Nanopoblano November writing challenge. We commit to writing a blog post every day if it all possible and to supporting each other in our writing endeavors. All of my cheer pepper friends would appreciate your support. You can find all of their blogs HERE:

13 thoughts on “Confession—Day 28/30

  1. pk.glenn1@verizon.net

    Dinah, I am continually impressed with your ability to express your inner most thoughts/feelings with such amazing clarity.  You seem to always find the perfect words to share emotions/thoughts that most of us experience daily.  Makes your blog very interesting as it invariably reveals my own thoughts/feelings and makes me feel … well, normal.  I’m glad you’re here! Kay

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much for your kind words, and for your support! The thing that I love when I read other peoples blogs, is that feeling of shared experience… The experience of being human! Whenever I have that feeling of… Yeah, me too… I always feel grateful that I have read that blog post. So that’s what I try to create in mine… Talking about the experience of being human. It sure isn’t an easy path that any of us are on. Thanks again for your support!💜

      Like

  2. Love this, and the peel at the journey you took us on. I hope you feel better soon. I think my habit (that I am interested in kicking) is how I feel like everything needs to be in place before I can get started. It’s annoying because I know more than most that nothing is ever really completely in place. 😂🤷🏽‍♀️ but it doesn’t stop me from doing more planning than doing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Ra. I hope you can kick the habit too… all these things are like little pebbles in our shoes, aren’t they?
      And thanks for Promptosaur! What a life saver!!
      I’m going to miss our Nanopoblano gang💜💜💜

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m definitely a procrastinator, as this month has shown me all too well! 😅 I’ve done most of my posts at the very last minute and often after midnight. I did the same at school and University too. And being ADHD means I need that awful sense of flying by the seat of my pants for motivation sometimes! Not that I’m at all thankful for needing that last minute dopamine rush 🥴 There are a lot of habits I’ve always wanted to change but at least now I have a measure of acceptance too now I know why I’ve struggled so much. Thank you for reading and commenting on my blog this month, will definitely keep in touch and keep reading yours! 💜✨

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe the answer is acceptance. Beating ourselves up doesn’t work so maybe we just need to accept our procrastination habits and be gentle with ourselves??? It’s worth a try anyway!! Hugs to you….💜🙏💜

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Bev Schellhaass

    I do the same with my poetry writing – sometimes putting it off until I need three or four to get through my quota for the year. A lot of it is doubting in myself – do I have anything interesting to say? What else can I write about?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think self-doubt is the biggest and worst killer of creativity! Why do we all do that to ourselves? Maybe we can make a pact to try and be more gentle and supportive of ourselves going into the new year? Want to join me?
      Thanks for chatting Bev!🌺

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s