Shame

Hello Dear Friends!

Welcome back to Wisdom Wednesday. Obviously I have some work to do around this since I completely forgot to post last week Wednesday… Everything has its learning curve I guess!

I was recently interviewed for a podcast. The podcast is called Sex, Lies and the Truth. Each episode features the journey of someone who is dealing with a misattributed parentage experience (MPE). If you are interested in listening to it, you can find the podcast HERE.

One of the things that I touched upon in the interview is the feeling of shame that frequently pops up in the MPE narrative. In my case, I didn’t even realize that I carried shame. Yes, I have known since the age of 17 that I was probably the product of an affair. And yes… I was aware of the fact that I didn’t speak of it often… Very few of my friends knew about this.

But, if you had asked me back then, I would have just said that I didn’t talk about it because it wasn’t appropriate for casual conversation. I didn’t realize for a very long time that that was really just a cover story for shame. 

Once I realized that I was carrying shame, I knew that I had to eventually bring this situation into the light and start talking about it because shame is not healthy. It’s a burden that none of us can afford to carry for very long… The cost is much too high!

Shame is something that lives in darkness. We hide it. We don’t discuss it. We push it to the very back of our minds so that we don’t have to deal with it. Those are all very understandable, very predictable coping mechanisms. But, unfortunately, they are the very mechanisms that perpetuate shame.

We feel shame because we are embarrassed about some part of ourselves. Shame makes us think that we are different from others; that we are less than others; that we don’t belong. And we believe that, if others knew the truth about us, then they would know that we don’t belong… That is the story that typically comes with shame. That’s the story that forces us to keep things hidden…

But, it’s just a story. It’s not the truth. The truth is that we all carry difficult experiences and painful pasts and burdens of all shapes and sizes. And shame does not have to be part of our current story. Shame needs to be brought into the light… Light and forgiveness are the only things that can heal it.

So my friend… If you become aware of shame within your own experience, I urge you to bring it into the light in whatever way works for you. The first step might be to reach out to a qualified mental health counselor who can help you navigate the path to forgiveness and healing. You don’t have to do this alone.

You deserve to feel good about who you are and who you’re becoming…And you’ll be able to become the person you’re meant to be a whole lot more gracefully by releasing your shame.

Resources that might help you in your own journey are below:

NAMI https://www.nami.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-aGCBhCwARIsAHDl5x8ttskdT3u0iAv35eKbWTcSCExwP2LyepQFSA8Hks_9HWywLU2EDzwaAv7KEALw_wcB

NIH https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/find-help/index.shtml