Exploring Procrastination-Day 3/30 (Dinah’s Wkend Chat)

On By dinahIn #NanoPoblano2023, coffee chat, Family, self care, Weekend Coffee Share

Procrastination has been my companion for my entire life! We’re seemingly inseparable. The sad part though is that, even though we’re lifelong companions, we really don’t understand each other. If procrastination truly understood me, she’d realize that constantly putting things off isn’t doing me any favors. In fact, it’s actually quite anxiety provoking.

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And frankly, if I understood her, I’d figure out how to help her heal so that we could ​go our separate ways. I’ve had enough! It seems that everything I’ve done regarding procrastination has been counterproductive. I’ve felt embarrassed. I’ve carried shame and guilt like a hundred pound backpack. And I’ve berated myself for being disorganized, lazy….and many other things. Of course, self abuse heals nothing and usually just exacerbates the problem.

The good news is that I learned a really valuable bit of information recently. I think it’ll help me (and you if you’re a procrastinator) get to the root of the issue, which is where all healing happens. 

In September, I heard author/speaker Lauren Sapala present at A WRITING ROOM’s conference. She explained that procrastination is oftentimes a trauma response. This is especially true for more sensitive people. From that statement on, I was riveted!

Procrastination often starts in childhood and is the result of childhood trauma… It happens when the child perceives being punished for individuating. Being punished for expressing their own individual preferences or ideas can cause the child to unknowingly relate decision making with punishment. And that punishment might have been overt or covert… Having love and support withdrawn as a result of the individuation process could also plant the seed for a procrastination habit. Ultimately, if decision making becomes stressful, or feels unsafe, that’s where a procrastination habit will be born.

I know this might initially sound somewhat bleak. But it’s actually really good news. Once the cause of something is known , it becomes much easier to trace it to its roots where the healing process can begin.

This has become one of my new goals. I intend to heal as much of my procrastination habit as I possibly can. My intention is to search my memory for instances where the above scenarios happened in childhood and/or adulthood. Once I recall them, I will go into more of a meditative state, relive the episode, and then change or reframe the negative aspects of each memory. Eventually, I plan to retrain my brain to believe that decision making is safe and healthy and appropriate. WISH ME LUCK 💜

If you happen to also have a procrastination habit, I would invite and encourage you to try doing this also. And if you do, and you want to discuss your journey… Feel free to open a discussion in the comments section below.

OK, my friends… I feel like there’s probably more to say. But I have reached a point of fatigue where my brain simply won’t engage anymore. So I need to end for now. And I need to post this so that I can maintain my 30 day posting challenge. But if I think of other things that need to be added, I’ll do just that over the weekend.

Wishing you tomorrows full of everything you need and at least a few things that you want.

I’m glad you’re here💜

This post is part of the November Nanopoblano challenge.Please visit the blogs of my other Nanopoblano cheer pepper friends HERE

This post is also a part of the weekend coffee share hosted by Natalie the Explorer You can find other weekend coffee chats HERE

22 thoughts on “Exploring Procrastination-Day 3/30 (Dinah’s Wkend Chat)”

  2. Hi Dinah. I hadn’t heard of the childhood connection to procrastination before, but it makes sense.

    I think we all procrastinate sometimes. For me, when I’m struggling with it, I take the little wins. For example, I have three things to do and I only accomplish one, I celebrate it. Remember to be kind to yourself. Thanks for sharing.

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    1. Hi!!!
      Yes…I think we all do some procrastinating. It’s just a human thing. But, when it’s out of control, that’s likely a trauma issue. …And you’re absolutely right. Taking the small wins is crucial.
      I hope all is well in your world.
      Hugs to you 💜

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    1. Hi
      Lovely to meet you. I scanned a bit of your blog. It looks interesting. I hope to get back to it soon. I saw that you have a DNA component, although I haven’t seen it yet.
      I do too! If you search NPE/MPE, you’ll see the posts about it. I learned at age 55 that I was half Jewish….this stuff is mind blowing.
      Good luck with procrastination healing. One step at a time 💜
      Take Care💜

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  4. There are days when I think my superpower is procrastination.

    It’s like the list of things I hate doing just keeps growing faster than I can l clear items from the to-do-list. I don’t think, or just can’t think of trauma I’ve suffered to blame it on. I think I’m just getting old.

    Interesting stuff Dinah.

    Blessings.

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    1. Hey Gary!
      I hear you. Sometimes a habit is just a habit. And postponing chores is human nature.
      Weren’t you working on readying your house for sale last year? How is that going?
      Wishing you a great week ahead 💜

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      1. Hi Dinah. I’m so sorry for my delay in responding. I had to switch to a new computer for work (which is the only one I use) and they make us do it every 3 years which would not be an issue of itself except that our method of switching one for the other is terrible, takes forever and stuff gets lost. I both want and don’t want to whine about it all but you don’t need to hear all that. I recalled seeing your note above and when the dust settled I couldn’t find it (come’on! how does one lose a blog comment. . .?) Yesterday I spent a big chunk of time on Marsha’s new story chat because I really like to dig into this exercise and encourage others to do the same, but it takes time and wife and I had some domestics to take care of so most of that day was gone before I knew it.
        But to your question. We are looking forward to moving, but the action has multiple layers of complexity that we get exhausted just thinking about. I still work so much of my days are spent earning that paycheck, then our kids, because they’re spread out across 3 time zones, meeting with them in person is too rare, but zoom helps and reduces the challenge to being one of everyone’s schedules. Talking with them is important but where do we move to be close to them? For now, they’re in San Diego, CA, Montana, and central Michigan. At least two of them are looking at moves of their own in the near to mid term so we’re left with ideas of becoming nomadic for a season. For now, there’s a first grandchild scheduled to arrive in March and a daughter who may need to move temporarily as part of her medical school training which itself gives no clue where she’ll finally land to practice in a few years.
        All said – we might find ourselves without the roots of a semi-permanent kitchen or living room or bathroom for a while.
        Like I said – it’s exhausting just to think about.
        Do I recall correctly that you’re near Toronto?
        If yes, that’s not far from our girl-child. We might someday meet for a cup of real coffee.

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      2. Goodness my friend! That’s a lot!! I’m actually in Wisconsin. We can do coffee when you visit your Michigan child!
        And good luck with all of your upcoming changes. Just be sure that you and your wife have some rest time too.
        Big hugs 💜

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    1. I would bet that decision making could well be related to this kind of stress. Decision making can start to feel unsafe if you experienced blow back or negative reactions that seemed disproportionate. And I know, for me, much of my stuff happened in my adult years…it’s not just childhood based. Good luck to you too as you heal💜

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  6. That’s the first time I’ve heard that procrastination had a root cause. I thought I was just lazy! Well, maybe I am. I do put things off that I don’t enjoy doing. That often results in them not getting done. I also put off doing things that are relatively unimportant. When I was going to school, I learned to calendar everything out, then I would work backwards so that I knew how much I needed to get done to get the project done on time. Lots of stuff went by the wayside, but I got the important things done. 🙂

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      1. Funny. A college librarian was the one who suggested the calendar to me. I don’t remember if I had missed assignments or just complained about always rushing around. Either way, it was a huge success for me. I still do that when I have too much to do. My husband and I sit down together to backwards map.

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  8. This rings true for me. At age 12, I had a traumatic event. At age 22, I put off my college graduation for 3 whole years, and as lol I had to do was write a paper! I will dwell on this more and see if the connection holds true. Luckily, I haven’t been much of a procrastinator since then.

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