Weekend Coffee Share 11/27/20 – NaNoPoBlano Challenge Day 27/30
Hello my friend!
Wonderful to have you drop by for coffee! I’ve come to look forward to coffee share time. These days, we have to take our socialization where we can get it! Right? So fill your cup with something you love and get comfy. I want to talk about something probably new to you….
Have you heard of the terms
“Not Parent Expected-NPE” or “Misattributed Parent Event-MPE”? These terms refer to people who find out that one or both of their parents are not genetically or biologically related to them. This can mean that they are adopted or that they might be donor conceived-DC- the result of sperm or egg donation, or they could be the product of an affair or possibly rape.
Up until recently, our origin stories were completely dependent upon our parents or relatives. Maybe truth was shared, maybe it wasn’t. But affordable DNA testing has changed all of this! More and more people are finding out every day that their origin story is very different from what they believed it to be. And frankly… It can be quite upending.
I’m one of those people. And believe me when I tell you this is a big deal. I could not have said this so publicly even 3 months ago. When you find out that half of your origin is a mystery and that your spoken truth could impact people you’ve never even met, you/I wonder what is fair to share and what isn’t. I also had to figure out if sharing my truth was, in any way, disrespectful of the my dad…the man who raised me knowing I was not his biological child.
There is so much to unpack with this topic. And I hope to do that gradually over time. I hope to share the emotional intricacies that are inherent with this discovery. Believe me, they are innumerable and immeasurable! And my hope is that my sharing with you will ease the journey for those who come behind me.
With the ever increasing popularity of DNA testing, you or someone you love could find yourself in this position. Or, on the flip side, you could be contacted by someone who has just discovered their genetic truth and they are asking you for information about your family….because they are now part of it.
Since I’m the one in search of my genetic truth, I can’t begin to imagine the probable shock that comes when an NPE/MPE contacts a new and unsuspecting family member. But I can ask you to breathe deeply and to be kind. Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.
And if you are not the one who is contacted… If you perhaps hear about a situation like this from a friend at work during lunch… Please share this message with them. Be kind. Be kind. Be kind.
Take the time you need to digest this new reality. Certainly be cautious about what you share with a total stranger. Go slowly. But please remember that their situation and need for information is not their fault. They aren’t trying to upset you or your family. They’ve discovered that they know nothing about half or all of their biology and their relatives and their history. Their personal origin story has been shattered. Their foundation has, for many, collapsed. They’re clawing for solid ground. Please don’t add to their trauma by being mean or angry or by withholding information from them. Please be kind.
We NPE/MPEs are looking for information and we’re trying to rebuild our personal stories. We want and need and deserve to know our medical history. We want to know what our parent looks like…Do we look like them? Many of us felt like we just didn’t fit in with our family of origin. Do we take after that missing parent? And what about grand parents? What were they like?
I found out I’m half Jewish. I’ve not only missed out on all of the above. I’ve missed out on a rich and ancient culture. Many of us feel cheated out of our heritage. We’re trying to catch up. Please help us. We are not the enemy.
I’ll be talking more about this in future posts. So please stay tuned. Information is power and so is understanding. My goal is to increase both by sharing my stories of discovery.
Whew, that was a lot. I know. I appreciate you listening to this. Together we can make the world a little gentler for others in this situation.
Please have another cup of coffee. Relax. And know that I’m always so glad to see.
Wishing you a wonderful weekend my friend!
If you have already found yourself on either side of this situation, know that there are resources for you. Just a few of them are listed below.
NPE Friends Fellowship is an organization that supports both the NPE and their families. There are several Facebook groups that are meant to support you, wherever you are in the process. https://npefellowship.org/about/
Right To Know shines a light on the need for genetic truth
Severance Magazine has articles about all of these topics
The weekend coffee share is hosted by Eclectic Alli here-https://eclecticali.wordpress.com/
Follow the NaNoPoBlano blogging team here: https://wordpress.com/tag/nanopoblano2020