“You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”
Margery Williams Bianco – The Velveteen Rabbit…Copied from a Facebook post.
Yesterday’s post was a big one for me. Coming out of the proverbial closet is big work, on so many levels. That post was quite literally decades in the making. For over 20 years only my husband and a few close friends knew what I knew of my own history….which wasn’t much.
I felt somehow branded, as though my own truth couldn’t be discussed in polite company. Even last year, I observed myself whispering the word “affair” when I was explaining to someone about why I’m learning about being half Jewish so late in life. As I was doing it, some part of my brain screamed “WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING?” And that’s when I realized that I was carrying considerable shame for being the product of an affair.
It has taken time and significant effort to accept that…
My story is mine. I own it and I can do whatever I want with it. And it’s not disrespectful of anyone if/when I share it. However, I didn’t share it publicly until I knew why I was sharing. I did a deep personal dive and personal inventory.
I’m not sharing this information for attention or to embarrass or get revenge on anyone. I’m sharing my story to remove stigma. No one should carry shame over their origin. And I’m sharing my story to educate people. Nobody should be treated like a criminal or interloper for pursuing their own truth.
Let’s face it, we’re all a bit road weary. We all carry the scars that come from doing our best. None of us need any extra baggage! And these journeys toward ourselves can be frought with extra baggage.
If we’re lucky, regardless of where we may find ourselves in an NPE/MPE scenario, we’re met with kindness and ultimately, we-like the Velveteen Rabbit-become more real. I’m working on it!
I’m glad you’re here 💜
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