Wondering…..

Photo by Dinah


I used to wonder… Who would I be without their disapproval? What would I look like? What would I do differently?

Now they’re gone… So who am I now? Am I the person I thought I would be back then? Or have I morphed into something completely unexpected?

The answer to this changes from day to day!

I do know that I have learned much from their disdain.

I learned that explaining, arguing, convincing all amount to wasted energy when someone is committed to presumptions rather than to truth.

I learned boundaries.

I learned how to walk away and still be able to love from a distance.

I learned that anger is a choice and, when chosen, it burns hot but doesn’t burn long if I choose not to fan that particular flame. That’s a constant challenge and lesson.

I learned that, when anger burns out, all that’s left is love….

I don’t know if I’m the person I thought I could be if I hadn’t carried the weight of their judgment.

But I do know that I’m stronger for it. I’ve learned a kind of resilience that can only be integrated when the fabric of the heart is shredded repeatedly by those who should’ve known better but sadly….didn’t.

For today….that seems like enough to know and still leave space for wondering…..

During November you can read other NanoPoblano bloggers here- https://cheerpeppers.wordpress.com/2021/11/01/nanopoblano-2021/comment-page-1/#comments

I’m glad you’re here 💜

2 thoughts on “Wondering…..

  1. Linda

    I understand that struggle. Well written. It’s hard sometimes not to wonder. Even if we forgive the past and let go of our luggage we still wonder what if we hadn’t had to struggle from
    Beneath that weight.

    Liked by 1 person

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